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| You at 5 months old. You're about Jack's age here. |
Hi Baby Girl...
One of the things your little sister Layne loves to do more than anything is dance. Each day she'll ask for Daddy or Mommy to put on music. She'll waltz in the living room dressed in a princess costume wearing her ballet shoes. If we are lucky we can sit back and watch. But most of the time she insists one of us dance with her.
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| Layne dancing around the living room. |
This summer has been especially rainy. In our house rainy days mean movie days! Layne and Mommy love theses kinds of days. We often veg out on the living room floor watching Disney classics. We've probably watched Frozen a hundred times. Even Jack has been known to pay attention a time or two as well. Movie days are definitely lazy days for us.
Just a few weeks ago Mommy put on the movie Sleeping Beauty. Layne had seen it a few times before but this was one of the first times for Mommy. As we watched, Mommy really began to enjoy the pretty singing voice of Princess Aurora. One of Mommy's favorite songs from the movie was Once Upon a Dream. As the song began to play Layne stood with her arms stretched out toward me. "Let's dance, momma!"
How could I resist? Holding Layne's hands, we did our own version of the waltz around the living room as we listened to the words...
I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream
I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
Yet I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream
But if I know you, I know what you do
You love me at once
The way you did once upon a dream
I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream
I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream
It's been a few weeks since Mommy and Layne first danced to this song. Ever since, Mommy cannot seem to shake it from my memory. I find myself singing it all the time. Each time I find myself thinking of you.
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| You just a week before you passed away. |
Yesterday marks five years since Mommy and Daddy last had you here with us. The first few days after you passed were filled with tremendous shock and sadness. Soon after, Mommy remembers feeling so desperate to know what it felt like to be with you again. Mommy's prayers became requests to God to let me see you again, at least in my dreams. It was probably two or three weeks after your funeral when Mommy finally dreamed of you.
Mommy remembers being on a beach, kind of like the one we last vacationed at in the Outer Banks. Mommy remembers seeing you and me running toward one another and then hugging the biggest hug. It was a lot like the scenes from one of those sappy love movies. It was strange because I was able to watch both of us, as if I was a bystander. Mommy wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean. It didn't matter. It felts so good to dream about you and me together. Even though it didn't last long, it was just enough to leave mommy feeling a little more full. Mommy has only dreamt of you one other time since then.
When I hear that song I often think of how Mommy once knew you oh so well. I often think about how our short time together, with the memories and emotions that linked us together as Mommy and Daughter, feels so much like a dream. Sometimes I think about what it will be like to see you in heaven one day. In my mind, Mommy plays this song and imagines you and me dancing and hugging and holding hands. Mommy misses that so much.
Because I knew you, I walked with you once upon a dream...
Love you and miss you always my sweet Kaden Layne.
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| These are our last pictures you and Mommy had taken together. We were at Uncle Mike and Aunt Linda's July Fourth cookout. |
