The Club

Sweet Girl...

When Mommy was young I remember wanting to be a girl scout so bad.  I can recall the first time I learned about them.  It was a friend I met at my new school in fifth grade.  Mommy was trying to find my place in the new group of people. There was something about being part of a club that seemed so neat to me. At ten years-old, it was probably the cute uniform with all the patches that appealed so much to me.  Unfortunately joining the girl scouts didn't really fit into my family's schedule or budget. And Mommy was okay with that. :)

Later on, when I started high school, Mommy made it a point to be part of as many clubs as I could.  From Key Club to Beta Club, Mommy loved the chance to be part of a group.  I loved the way each club had its own focus and opportunities for service.  Most of them cost little to nothing to be part of and left Mommy's schedule over-the-top full.  Clubs were just Mommy's thing.

When Mommy went off to college the same was true.  Mommy joined a sorority and was part of the Panhellenic Council and Student Government.  It was through these groups that Mommy met some of my best friends.  The people I had the privilege of working with taught me so much about drive and determination.  They were often the models of service too.

Mommy loved the idea of being part of the club.

In July of 2010, Mommy found herself part of one club no mother, daughter, sister or friend ever wants to be a part of.

Club Grief.

In the days, weeks, and months after you passed, Mommy met and learned about so many other mothers who unexpectedly lost a child.  Several reached out to Mommy to share their story.  Many gave Mommy books or cards offering encouragement and support.  They became like mentors. Some Mommy met at your visitation.  Others were complete strangers.  Strangers or not, we shared one thing in common.

Being a part of this club helped Mommy know that the feelings I experienced were completely normal.  Someone understood the emptiness and the bizarre feelings that were often associated with everyday, simple routines and tasks.  Even my closest friends, whom I had known for years, couldn't understand the roller coaster of emotions grief brings like those who shared this common bond.

It's kind of ironic. This club Mommy was once thankful to have, is one Mommy has grown to despise and hate so very much in recent years.  Why, you might wonder? The club has grown larger in number.  From car wrecks to SIDS, miscarriages and random accidents, there have been too many.  Mommy's heart hurts so much for these mothers experiencing these fresh wounds.  Each time Mommy learns of another member, I can't help but feel the need to reach out.

And it's not just the mothers.  It's the friends whose husbands are battling cancer and whose lives have been flipped upside down.  It's the daughters who have lost their own mothers and are trying to navigate this life without the support and encouragement they so desperately need.  It's the family who's faced with divorce and having to find a new normal.  When Mommy looks around I see so many hurting, grieving people.

The Club. It's not always easy.  It's hard to find the right words when greeting the new members. There's no badge of honor worn on our lapels.  Instead, there is a heavy weight that rests upon our shoulders.  It's hard to get through the days and it's often difficult to think beyond the loss.  Members may not wear uniforms, but in our eyes you can see.

Grief is hard.  Mommy thinks about all those people experiencing it now.  Mommy's prayer is simple...

God, please bring peace and comfort to the broken hearted...

Love you and miss you sweet girl!

You at 6 Months

Jack at 7 Months