Monday, October 11, 2010

Looking Ahead...

Today we started our day with a visit to your spot. It's hard to believe that it has been three months since we last held you in our arms. Today you would have been 20 months old.

Everyday brings a little more hope. Everyday things remind us of you. Sometimes those things bring us joy, but often they make us a little sad. Here are a few that come to mind...

Bananas. . . You LOVED bananas. When we would grocery shop I would have to hide them from you. You were so cute! If you spotted them you would fuss for one. When I would hold you in the kitchen you would spot them in the fruit basket. You would get so excited, flap your arms and legs, say "Be-be" and point right at them.

I remember our last day together when we went shopping for fabric for Mommy's classroom we shared a banana on our way into the Hobby Lobby. You didn't mind that it was a little bruised from being in our bag.

Mommy still buys bananas almost every week at the grocery. Most times they rot before they get eaten. One day they will taste sweet again.

Hide -n- Seek . . . You loved to try to find Mommy and Daddy. When you were a little smaller Mommy would hold you in her arms and we would hide together. Daddy would sneak up from behind and make us all laugh.

When you were big enough to walk and run, Mommy would say "Ready - Set - Hide!" and run to the opposite wall of the room. You would walk all around until you found me. I would scoop you up and tickle you all over until you wanted to play again. We miss hide-n-seek.

Big Teddy Bears. . . You got your big brown bear from Santa on your first Christmas. Who would have ever thought that would be your only Christmas with us. Around spring you really started to embrace his big eyes and cuddly body. You would run over to him and lay down in his lap. When it would be quiet in the house Mommy and Daddy would find you sitting with him with a book in your hand.

At the Fayatte Mall in Lexington on our last day together I remember how sweet you looked when you saw the giant plastic teddy bear in the playland. With big eyes you looked up at him and grabbed him with your arms opened wide. Your smile was priceless. It was like you had been reunited with your long lost buddy. The best part was when you turned around, sat down right in his lap, put your arms up over your head and laid back on him. You looked up at him just like you did with your big bear at home.

At night you, me, and Daddy would lay together in your bear's lap to read our bedtime stories and say our prayers. With you Precious Moments angel in our lap we would fold your hands in ours and listen to the little boy's voice say "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray my Lord my soul to keep. May the angels watch me through the night and keep me in their precious sight." Then we would all say "A-MEN". Mommy and Daddy loved being with you in that special place.

Your bear still lays in the same place beside your crib next to the window. His head tilts in such a way that makes him look a bit sad. Perhaps he misses the attention he use to get. We wonder what kind of bears you're cuddling with up there.


In the days ahead we have a lot to look forward to. We confirmed today that in May 2011 you will be a big sister. The news is bittersweet for us. Mommy would love to dress you up in a "Big Sister" t-shirt and parade you around to help spread the news, but that cannot happen. In some ways we know we will see part of you in this new life. We look forward to that so much. We hope you and God picked out a good one for us. :0) We realize life will never be as fully joyful as it once was - there will always be a part that is missing. We sure hope we can find a little piece of that joy again.

Although your time with us was short, your impact on our lives continues to be huge. It's amazing to think that just 16 months with you could teach us so much. Even in your passing we have learned the importance of faith and love, the value of family and friends, and the significance of each of our purposes here on this earth.

We sure miss you sweet girl