Thursday, February 11, 2016

All That We Have

Celebrating you on your first birthday in 2010.

Seven.  Mommy can't even imagine what you would be like at seven.  Seven years old is just too far from 16 months. When Mommy thinks of you, you're still the toddling little straight-haired girl you were all those years ago.  Squeaky shoes and bitty bows, it's hard to imagine anything other than what Mommy knows.  

Mommy made these special decorations for your party.
Now these little ladybug letters are in your scrapbook.
Tonight Layne and I watched your video.  We were in the parking lot of the gas station - the same one we once took you to.  We were passing time as we were waiting on your Donna Ma to pick up your little sis, Layne, and baby bro, Jack, for an overnight visit.   Seated close together in the front, Mommy was in the driver's seat and Layne was in the passenger's.  Like at a movie theater, we were seated super close together.  With the darkness of the night, the auxiliary cord plugged in, and the volume turned up, it looked and sounded like the best little movie theater.   Even though the screen was tiny and our heads were practically touching, it didn't matter.  Like a new release, neither of us could take our eyes off of you. 

The video was your birthday video.  It's the one Daddy made that first year we had to celebrate your birthday without you.   The echo of your little voice traveling through the car speakers was so clear.  It almost sounded like we were all there with you, or you with us.  Even Jack, seated in his carseat in the back, reacted like it was all real.  He responded to the pretty music and the sounds of familiar voices with sweet babbles and coos of his own.  This is the video, the one we share each year on your birthday with all of our friends online, that Mommy loves most because Daddy filled it with our favorite clips with you.

This is a picture Mommy hadn't come across before.
Mommy misses those squishy legs and your baby fine hair.
It was halfway through when Mommy first took my eyes away from the screen.  Mommy felt a smile draw up and a warm feeling started to grow inside Mommy's heart. I think it was in her eyes.  Layne's attention was completely glued to your every move. A slight squint in the corners of her eyes showed she enjoyed this part of the video even more.  It was of you and Daddy doing what she loves best -dancing.  As your whispy hair flowed behind every move Daddy lead you through, your little sis would smile an even more precious smile.  Between that and her ridiculously expressive eyebrows, I couldn't stop watching your little sister watching you.  That sweet little smile stayed plastered on her face until the very end.  

Tonight, when I was ready to cry, she continued to smile.  When Mommy was ready to talk about how sad it was that you were there and we were here, she reminded me how lucky we were to have all these memories.  Sometimes it's through the eyes of your four year old sister that Mommy learns to appreciate all that we have and all that we still are.  

So thankful for the gift you were, and continue to be, for our little family my sweet Kaden Layne.

Happy 7th Birthday baby girl...