Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Snow Days

Sweet Girl,

Today was another snow day. Last year I remember how exciting it was to stay home from school with you. I remember getting to spend several days leading up to your birthday at home with you. I would make Daddy take us out to lunch each day to celebrate your day just in case I had to work on the real thing. Today would have been the best if you could be here with us.

Christmas and New Year was so different this year for Mommy and Daddy. We did everything we could to make it different than last year just so we wouldn't have to be sad about all that we were missing out on. We set up a shelf of your sweet pictures and pretty things: your red tutu and little pearl necklace you wore in your first Christmas pictures; your white, fluffy boa you would wrap around your shoulders; and your little red headband Mommy splurged on at that store. It looks so sweet next to your smiley-faced pictures. We only wish we could have the real you.

One of the most bittersweet parts of this holiday season came on Christmas Eve. Mommy and Daddy had gone out of town for a few days and on our way back home we stopped by your spot at the cemetery. Before that day your spot was decorated with a Christmas tree in the place where your marker would be. We had ordered it several months before and knew it should arrive before Christmas. We didn't expect it to be on Christmas Eve. As we pulled up to Babyland at the cemetery tears filled my eyes. I could see that it had come. All Mommy could think was "How fair is that? My baby gets a headstone for her Christmas gift this year." As pretty as it looked and as nice as it was, it just didn't seem right.

Most people believe the holidays are the toughest days for people who have lost a loved one. But for us, everyday without you is tough. The holidays were just another day to get through. Since we were only blessed to share each holiday with you once, those days don't matter as much. It's the everyday things that we miss so much.

It's been six months since we last held you. Six months since we last got to watch you enjoy the everyday pleasures of this life. Six months since we heard your giggles and cries. Six months since we last felt the cuddle of your hugs or the wetness of your kiss.

Six months seems like just yesterday but in some ways feels like forever.

We miss you Baby Girl...