Monday, May 11, 2015

A Perfect Little Print

Hi Sweet Girl...

Yesterday was Mother's Day and like every day, I thought of you my sweet girl.

Time is speeding along so quickly these days.  Jack is getting so big.  Most recently, I love the feeling of his smooth, chubby little fingers wrapped around mine.  Holding his hands reminds me of holding yours.  Mommy missed these kinds of things so much when you first passed away.

Envious was the way Mommy felt of mothers with little ones on their hips.  I would watch their young hands tug and pat on their mothers and wish it could have been you tugging and patting on me. Watching little girls hold their mother's hands as they crossed the parking lots - it was almost impossible for Mommy to see.  Mommy wished so much to feel your  little warm hand in mine just one more time.

It was a week or so before you passed.  Mommy and you must have been playing on Mommy's dresser.  I imagine Mommy had you seated in front of the mirror, holding you under your chubby little arms so you wouldn't slip and fall. I can't be sure, but I can guess we were probably playing a silly game or singing one of our goofy songs.  Somehow, in the midst of our fun, the clearest little handprint was left behind on the mirror that hung above. A perfect little print.

That little print became a precious piece of you, especially after you passed. Mommy was quick to place a sticky note beside it.  Kaden's handprint it read.  Please do not clean.  In the early days Mommy looked for it often.  It was easy to see in the mirror.  As time has passed, small flakes of dust have gathered around it and has made it much harder to see. The dust is a reminder of how much time has passed and how long it has truly been since our time together.  Still, Mommy looks for your little print. I don't think I will ever have the courage to let that little piece of you go.

To some it may look like a dirty, smudged mirror.  But to Mommy, it holds a precious memory of our time together.  My how I miss those little hands...

Love you my sweet Kaden Layne...

Mommy loves this picture of you.  You found so much joy in swinging. I love how it shows your sweet hands.
This is another favorite of Mommy's.  I think you look a lot like Jack in this one. 

 Mommy and you had so much fun together in Nashville.  I loved holding your hand as we walked the streets.

Mommy misses seeing you hold your daddy's hands.  

 Before, Mommy would click right passed this picture of you and me.  But now, Mommy sees something special in the way we are holding hands so tightly.  Mommy misses that so much!