Friday, July 11, 2014

Making Room

My Dear Kaden Layne…

Yesterday marked four years since you were last here with us.  In many ways it feels like forever ago, but sometimes it still feels like yesterday.

This week has been an emotional one for us.  It has come time for Layne to move to a big girl bed.  With the help of Aunt Heather, Mommy was able to find a vintage twin bed for Layne's room.  Daddy worked to paint it and make it extra sturdy.  Mommy and Daddy set it up for her this week.  It looks so pretty between the two windows in the room that was once yours.  For the first time in over five years we no longer have a baby bed.

What started out as your room became Layne's so early.  Nothing ever really changed in your room when Layne was born.  There was no need.  It had taken Mommy months to pick out the perfect fabrics, paints, and furniture when I was expecting you. Daddy and Norm Pa had worked so hard to make the polka dots on your walls.  Your Donna Ma made all the pretty bedding and window treatments look so nice.  It was so right the way it was.  Still so new, so pretty, so you.    Mommy felt like keeping it the same meant keeping part of you here with us a little longer.

 Daddy putting together your bed January 2009.

You loved your Big Bear so much! 

 Your Grandma Judy got you your personalized rocking chair on your first Christmas.  
We still keep it in your room.  

As time has gone on Mommy sees that your room is now hers.  The pillows on the bench that stores all your precious things are beginning to look worn and flat.  The pink fabric on the glider Mommy and Daddy rocked the both of you in has begun to sag.   Even Big Bear seems to need fluffing a little more often. These are all indicators that this room, your room, has been well-loved and well-used.  

Mommy thinks now might be the best time to make a room just for Layne. In the next few weeks Mommy hopes to muster the courage to let go of the pink and green walls and polka dots for something new and different just for her.  Mommy knows Layne is completely indifferent to the idea of a new room, but sometimes I feel like I missed out on the chance to put together a room special for her.   I enjoyed it so much when I was expecting you and I  know I would enjoy doing that for her as well.  Mommy's fear is that whatever I come up with, it will never be as beautiful as it once was.

There is another reason why now may be the best time for a change.  Early January 2015 Mommy and Daddy will be making room for a new baby.  After two years of unanswered prayers, Mommy is finally expecting again.    Mommy had almost given up on the idea of having another baby.  I had come to terms with the idea of having just one child here and you there.  Mommy and Daddy even donated most of our baby things to charity the month before we learned our prayers had been answered.  Mommy knows God's plan is not always ours.  Over the last four years I have learned to trust that it works for a purpose greater than I understand.

Layne already pats Mommy's belly and already says the baby is a girl.  She wants to name her Kate.  

Mommy knows you will be a good big sister for this baby, just as you have been for Layne.  Thank you for being the little angel in heaven who watches over us and connects us to Jesus in a real and personal way.

Love and miss you sweet girl...