Friday, April 11, 2014

Wish Upon A Star

Hi Sweet Girl,

It's another spring. The weather is turning nice and the school year is winding down.  Last week was Spring Break for Mommy and Daddy.  So, we did something we have been waiting a long time to do…we went to Disney.

Layne loved every bit of the trip!  A nice friend Mommy met through school helped us plan our week.  Each morning we started bright and early.  Each night we finished late.  It wasn't until Wednesday and Thursday, our last days away, that we planned to visit the Magic Kingdom.  Saving it until last kind of made it extra magical for all of us…especially Layne.

On the last night we made plans to stay late for the ever popular Disney electrical parade and firework show.  As the light show ended and the fireworks began, Mommy watched and thought of you.  

"If you wish upon a star..." I heard the song begin to play as a quick flash of sailed through the sky just over Cinderella's castle.

Instantly Mommy's mind was taken back.

"Makes no difference who you are..." The song continued to play.

Again, Mommy's mind remembered.  How significant that night back in July of 2010 had been to both Mommy and Daddy.

"...When you wish upon a star... your dreams… come true…" The song played on some more as another flash of light made an arc over Cinderella's castle once more.

Mommy couldn't help but take a mental step out of the present and into the past.  While watching the beauty of the flash of lights, meant to be shooting stars, and while listening to the simple music that played all around, I couldn't help but remember another shooting star.

It was Tuesday night, July 13th, the day before we would say our final goodbyes.  Mommy and Daddy had spent the day before in Louisville, standing for hours beside your worn, pink flip flops, glow worm, and favorite books that lay close to you. Sharing memories. Sharing tears. Occasionally even sharing a laugh here or there.    We stood there for all those hours, next to you, with such heavy hearts.  The next day was a day that was much the same.  We shared more tears and the same sweet memories with our friends and many acquaintances in Georgetown during your second visitation.  Another exhaustingly difficult day.  But we knew, even then, the most difficult day hadn't come.

Weary and exhausted, but supported by friends and family, Mommy and Daddy enjoyed the company of others that evening  at our home.  The time was nice.  It was a good distraction.  Hours had passed and before Mommy and Daddy knew it, most people had said their goodbyes for the evening.  As the last couple got  in their car and pulled away, Mommy and Daddy stood together on the front porch, all alone for the first time again since getting the sad news.

Daddy looked up and noticed the sky.  It was clear and dark and quiet. The stars, what seemed like a zillion, shined so bright.  Daddy went back in the house and grabbed a blanket.   When he came back out he invited Mommy to lay down with him and look up in the sky.

Feeling empty and sad, heartbroken and lost, Mommy and Daddy held hands.  As we lay there looking up in the sky, we both weeped.  No words were necessary.  We both knew exactly how the other was feeling.  

After several minutes we decided to pray together.  Praying had always been something we had each done more on our own and not very often together.

After a few minutes of quiet think time, Daddy prayed aloud first.  Daddy's prayer was a request for God to somehow show us that you were with Him and that He was with us.    Daddy chose his words carefully. Each one was muttered with sad emotion.

Then, it was my turn to pray.  With Daddy's hand still holding mine, I began.  I kept my eyes closed as I stumbled over my words. My prayer's focus was on strength,  hope, and healing for Daddy and me.  Just as Mommy began to wrap up, Daddy started squeezing my hand ever so tightly. I could feel him trembling all over! He shouted out -  A SHOOTING STAR!

A shooting star had whipped through the sky in the blink of an eye.  Having had my own eyes closed, Mommy missed it completely.  But... Daddy saw the whole thing!  Had Daddy's prayer been answered?! It sure felt so by Mommy and Daddy.

Going in to the funeral home the next morning, we felt completely different.  A sense of peace had come over us - at least on this day.  We felt excited to share  about our prayers and the shooting star with our closest friends and family.  As crazy as it seems, it felt like a sign from God that He had His hand on us and on you in Heaven.

I hadn't really thought about that night for a long time….Watching the man-made shooting star go over the castle at Disney reminded me of that July night four years ago. It reminded me of how we were so desperate for God's presence then when things were so tough.  It also reminded me of how God is always present and waiting for us to seek Him. We don't always have to wait until things are bad to share or make our requests.

That night in Disney Mommy made a wish on one of those shooting stars.

Love you and miss you the same…

Kaden's First Easter - Spring 2009