Friday, May 11, 2012

You Are My Sunshine

 Mother's Day 2010

Many years ago, after your twin cousins were born, I recall hearing your Aunt Keshia sing to them.  Of the many favorites she had, for some reason I remember hearing her sing "You Are My Sunshine" the most.  Perhaps because I loved that song so much.  Its simple words sounded so sweet to me. 

When you were born, that song was among the many Mommy would sing to you.  Of course Mommy's very favorites, though, were the ones we made up along the way.  The best songs evolved from traditional ones.

"I'm Bringing Home a Baby Bumble Bee" became
"Momma loves her little baby Kaden Layne, she's so sweet and so pretty..."

"Frere Jacques" became
"Kaden Layne, Kaden Layne you're so sweet, you're so sweet.  Momma just loves ya, Momma just loves ya and your stinky feet."

Half the time the songs we made up made absolutely no sense at all.  Daddy would laugh at Mommy's ridiculous songs.  I think he was scared you were going to grow up to sing like Mommy! =)  It didn't matter. You loved when Mommy sang and I loved to see you smile.  So we sang all the time.

One song you loved so much Mommy learned from a teacher friend.  It is called "Way Up in the Sky".  You loved all the arm motions we did with it.  As soon as I would start to sing, you would flap your arms in excitement.

"Way up in the sky, the little birds fly
Down in the nest, the baby birds rest
With a wing on the left, and a wing on the right
The little birdies go down for the night

The bright sun comes up, the dew goes away
Good morning, good morning the little birds say!"

After you passed away Mommy didn't get to sing all those songs anymore. 

Just a few months before your baby sister was born (nearly eight months after you passed away), Mommy found a very special book I thought your sissy might one day like.  It was a bright yellow board book with a metallic sunshine on the front.  As Mommy read the words to herself before purchasing it, tears welled up in my eyes.  The book was You Are My Sunshine. It reminded me of you.  Reading it made me miss you so much.  Saying the words aloud in my head reminded me of all the songs I once sang to you.  I knew I had to get it.  I wanted to share with Layne all the things you enjoyed, so that she could somehow know you. 

Buying that book that day was like buying a little hope.  Hope that one day Mommy would enjoy reading and singing again.

Just in the past three months, Layne has really started to enjoy looking at her books.  She loves that one particular book so much.  She pulls it out almost everyday and stretches her arm up to me so that I will read it.  Each time I do.  Each time I think of you.

Sometimes that book and song make me happy.  Sometimes not.  It's the words in it that make me go back and forth. 

As I rocked Layne before bed tonight, I quietly sang to her.  Her little head rested on my shoulder and the weight of her warm body felt so good snuggled up to me. It reminded me so much of how you once felt in my arms. During that precious time with Layne I felt the words of that song become a tender prayer to God.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy, when skies are gray.
You'll never know dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away."

Mommy often wonders why my first little sunshine was taken away.  Why do we only have one when we should have two?  How much brighter our days would be if we had the both of you here together. 

We love you and miss you so much sweet Kaden Layne.